Kym's Story

I was the youngest of four kids and everyone thought I was a bit spoiled, and maybe I was. I used to get away with murder. I didn't really get on with my brothers, David and john, and my sister, Tracy, but we're really close now. I used to share a room with my sister and she'd constantly complain that I'd been in her stuff, so I was always getting shouted at for that. They had to cope with this younger sister and it was probably a pain in the butt for them.
I was very close to my dad, David. He called me his shadow because I used to follow him everywhere. I was definitely a daddy's girl. My dad is musical; he was in a band called Ricky And The Dominant Four, and his mum was a fantastic singer. She died when I was one so I don't remember her but, apparently, I used to sit on her knee and try to sing with her.
No one really knew I had any interest in singing or performing, although I started dance school when I was three - ballet, tap, modern, jazz - and did well in competitions. I remember once I told my mum, Pauline, that I was running away from home and all I packed were my dance shoes and some chocolate! I enjoyed dancing but I knew it wasn't what I really wanted to do. There was something else - I just wasn't sure what it was.
When I was ten I went to a local labour club where everyone was getting up and singing with the resident band. I begged my dad to let me have a go. He put me off and said maybe next week. A week later I got up and sang the Cliff Richard song "living doll". Everyone's mouthes just dropped open; they couldn't believe it. Someone came over to my parents and suggested I join the Starlight Roadshow. Which was a group of kids that did charity shows, so I did. That was my first audition, which was nerve-racking. I sang "99 red balloons". After my audition they put me straight into a show. I had a boob tube on that kept falling down, so all through the song I was hitching it up. It was hilarious. The other kids were really nice, very talented.
We played at the Liverpool Garden Festival and the Floral Pavilion at New Brighton and when I was eleven I preformed Whitney Houston's "greatest love of all" and won the Ken Dodd Trophy. I also got the part of Kate in the musical Annie at the Liverpool Empire. We had rehearsals twice a week and I really looked forward to them. When I wasn't at rehearsals I was singing at home. My dad brought my a karaoke machine and made sure I practiced every day at a certain time. Without that discipline I don't think I'd be where I am today.

We lived in a semi-detatched dormer bungalow in Garswood, in Lancashire. It was a lovely house, and Garswood was a beautiful place to grow up. There were lots of kids around. My best friend, Tricia lived about five doors away. Everyone fancied a boy called Ian Mills. We went out for a while and my first kiss was with him outside my mum's house. he put his mouth round mine and it was horrible - it was all slobbery. I went in the house and wiped my face.

We lived there until I was ten then we had to move because my dad's joinery business went into liquidation through no fault of his own. He took on a big job and the firm he was doing the work for went bankrupt. Welost our house and that was the saddest time. I remember my mum crying all the time. I didn't really understand what was happening but I knew something big was up because my mum was so upset. We had to move to a council house in Haydock and she hated it. The kids there were really rough. I think it hit my mum hard. She saw me mixing with children who swore and got into trouble and she didn't want that for me. I was seen as the posh girl and people thought they could pick on me because I didn't fit in, and I just took it. I had so many fights it was unreal. Girls used to gang up on me. I'd be going to the shop and they'd just grab me and pull my hair. I remember once being thrown into someone's garden. It was very frightening and very hard for my parents. When you see your child unhappy it gets you down. We had never been rich but we were comfortably off, then all of a sudden we had nothing, and that was difficult.

In the end they couldn't take it any more and we left the estate. We went to live with my sister and her husband until we were able to find another house. I loved being with my sister again. She had a baby and it was a nice experience for me. I can remember sleeping on a camp bed in my mum and dad's room but I didn't mind. That was an odd time, especially for my mum. Having to stay with her daughter was a bit awful really. My dad never managed to build his business abck up. We did buy another house but it wasn't anything spectacular and everything fell to pieces again becasue the work he was getting wasn't that regular.

I was also being bullied at school by fifth-formers. I was only in the first year so they were a lot bigger than me. Iwas a late develoer and I used to get picked on for that. All the other girls were into boys and smoking and I never was. Also, I had something that I wanted to do and that made me different. I wanted to sing and be something. Even at that age I had a dream. By the time I was thirteen I had a record deal. I was signed up by a small label in Manchester called Jelly Street Records. Someone saw me singing and suggested I do a demo tape, so I did. The guy in the studio I used put me in touch with Kevin Kinsella, who owned Jelly Street, and he signed me up. I released a single called "One Kiss", which got in the charts although I'm not sure how well it did. It wasn't bad for a young girl on a record label that was tiny.

I think the final straw at school came when I took a demo tape of songs into school and the girl who was the instigator of all the bullying took it and stamped on it. I flew at her and started hitting her - I know I shouldn't have but at that point something snapped inside me, and I'm glad it did because no one bothered me again. After that I wouldn't take anything from anybody. I was thirteen by then and I'd been bullied since I was ten. That's how long it took me to realise I should be sticking up for myself.

There's so much ignorance about bullying. Kids are killing themselves because they're scared to go to school. I used to say I was ill to avoid going in. My little boy, David, was being bullied when he first went in reception class. I had to go to his school so many times to sort it out.

When I was thirteen I went to the Elliot Clarke Stage School in Liverpool, which I enjoyed but it was all dance and drama and I wanted to sing. We only did one day of singing a week, so it wasn't for me. I left when I was fifteen. I think that's when I started to worry about my weight. I was never a tiny girl, and I never will be because I'm big-framed. When I went to stage school there were girls who were a size six. I looked at mysel and thought I must be fat because everyone else was stick thin. At that age you just feel different. I didn't do anything about it then but once I was sixteen I felt I wanted to lose weight and I started to make myself sick.

Bulimia seemed so easy and I thought I'd be alright because I'd be able to control it. You never think it will get out of control. The first time I made myself sick I remember thinking "I'm not going to do that again, it was a silly thing to do." But it's hard not to keep doing it. You think it's okay, you haven't died, you could do it just once more, but then it becomes second nature. I lost weight and went down to something ridiculous like just under seven stone when I should have been around eight and a half. I got to the stage where I was just eating and being sick naturally. Once you've been making yourself sick for a while your body picks up the habit and it becomes an automatic thing - it's like waking up in the morning.

At first I thought it was great. I was losing weight and that made me want to lose more, but nobody was telling me I loked good. Everyone was asking if I was alright. It was like "You don't look well today Kym. You're looking pale." I was tired and I couldn't concentrate. All I wanted to do was sleep becasue I had become quite weak. I would binge and then be sick and I had nothing in my system. I was doing it for about seven or eight months. I was underweight but I wasn't aware of it until I saw a picture of myself from a photo shoot and I was all bony. I just didn't look right. I went to my mum and told her what I'd been doing and she cried. It took me a while to recover and my mum used to watch me and get me to drink milk.

She still watches me. She doesn't have to, but she's determined I won't go down that road again. There was a story in the papers saying that I was bulimic again, which was really out of order, and she freaked. I am not bulimic but I know that you can easily have a relapse if you're not strong enough mentally. I am strong enough and I've got three major reasons why I would never do it again, two of them being my children, because I love them too much. The other reason is that whatever I do infulences children and I will not influence children to make themselves sick because it's wrong. Chocolate was always my weakness and it still is. But the difference now is I eat it and enjoy it and I don't have a problem with that.

I was eighteen when I met Dave, the father of my children. We met in a pub and started going out. We'd only been together two months, which wasn't a long time, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child, David, who's now five. The pregnancy was an accident, I was very naive at the time. I'd been sick and didn't know that would stop the Pill from working. At the same time my dad had a heart attack, which was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. I really thought I was going to lose him. I saw how my mum was and I knew if anything had happened to him, God forbid, she would be a complete wreck. It was a terrible time. At that point I didn't have anything going on in my career so I concentrated on Dave and we spent a lot of time together.

My family was very supportive and I thought I'd be fine. Being pregnant was quite scary, but I'd seen my sister have three children, so I knew in a way what was going to happen to me. I knew I was going to get fat and that my legs would ache, basic things, but when it's happening to you it's a very different experience. People say its the most brilliant thing in the world and it is, but it's also the most scary. I had a threatened miscarriage early on.

I started to bleed for no reason, and I just had to rest. After that everything was fine until I got to around 33/34 weeks, when I went into spontaneous labour and was taken into hospital. They put me on a drip to stop the contractions and I had to have injections every twleve hours for two days. When they took me off the drip I was still having contractions, so they gave me the choice of either going back on a drip for another two weeks or having the baby. It was clear the baby was getting moredistressed so i decided just to have it. I thought what will be will be. They told me there was a chance the baby might be blind or have something wrong with it but that nine times out of ten everything is fine. In the back of my mind I knew something might go wrong but I tried not to think about it.

I had David at 4.47am the following morning. My mum was there and my sister and Dave. My dad was in the room but he was behind a curtain because he didn't really think he should be there! David weighed 4lb 4oz and he had legs like little pieces of string. he was tiny. They put him in my arms and as I was holding him he turned blue and stopped breathing and the nurses had to rush him out. The nurse had her fingers down his throat to keep the airways open. It was terrifying. When they bought him back again he was a nice pink colour and they put him straight in an incubator. I didn't see him again until the next day. I went home after three days but they kept him in for two weeks and that was a nightmare, leaving him. I'd go twice every day to feed him and give him his bath. By the time he came home he weighed 5lb 2oz.

Everything was alright for a while but Dave and I had a lot of problems, first of all because we didn't have a place to live. Dave's dad died when he was fifteen and his mum remarried and moved away, leaving Dave and his brother in their old house. I was staying there virtually all the time but because of the baby we had to find a place of our own. We bought somewhere cheap that needed a lot of work and for a while after the baby was born we stayed with my parents and tried to make the place liveable. Once we moved in, there was still a lot to be done and there was always work going on. Dave was quite old-fashioned and liked his tea on the table and thought that the house should be clean and tidy. I tried, but with all the building going on it was difficult.

We had lots of arguments and eventually things came to a head and we split up for about six months. I went back to my parents' but we were still seeing each other, trying to sort things out, and I got pregnant again. It was a bit of a shock. I couldn't remember us having any accidents but we must have. It had been very traumatic havinf David and some people would not have wanted another, but I don't think like that. They're worth it; I'd do it all over again. I believe in fate - there are things that are meant to be and if you fall pregnant it's for a reason.

I did have cravings when I was pregnant. With David it was chips and peas - I'd have that for my dinner every day from the chip shp down the road. I also craved cream eggs. With Emily it was ice cubes! I'd just have a pint glass filled with ice cubes and I'd crunch my way through them. I just liked the texture.

Dave and I got back together and I had Emily, who's now three. I went full term with Emily - she was 7lb 8oz. When she was twleve months old he and I were still fighting like cat and dog, and in front of the children, which wasn't good. We were supposed to get married but a few months before the wedding I left. It was a difficult decision to make because I had nothing and I had to think of the childrens welfare. Emily was still too young to know what was going on but David was older and that was tough. But I knew I was doing the right thing for all of us.

I think the key thing was to make sure they didn't lose contact with their dad, so we came to an agreement where he sees them three times a week. We did it properly. We didn't get on at all when we were together, but now we're apart there's no pressure. I love him because he's the father of my kids and he'll always be a big part of my life.

Chapter 1.2 Childhood > Kym's Story
Hear'Say: Our Story
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